loopyloulaura

Hi kids

This is Mum speaking from 2016. I have just invigilated a 2 hour exam and have some advice for you.

BRING A PEN!

Please do not be the cocky little sod that sits there for the whole time and refuses to write a single word. You aren’t being clever, there won’t be any kudos from your mates. You’re just being an idiot.

Don’t tap. DO NOT TAP!!! or click your pen repeatedly. I have acted like a megalomaniac today, asking about 30 teenaged boys to stop tapping or clicking their pen, It is REALLY ANNOYING!

Highlighter pens are the devil. You do not need to highlight every other word just because you can. Some kids today highlighted all but 5 words in the whole poem: how does that make things stand out?! Use a blinking pencil and draw arrows or asterisks to key words.

Don’t chew gum. It tastes disgusting after the first 15 minutes, seriously just get rid of it. Do it when you go to the toilet, which you WILL do before the exam or else!

Write as much as you can. On the paper not on yourself. Don’t doodle because you are bored. Work! This is your chance to show off in private. Tell that exam marker everything they could ever want to know on your subject. No one will think you’re a geek but someone might think you’re a genius. Give yourself a chance to shine even if it’s to just the one person marking it.

Do your best, whatever grade that may be. Make sure you can feel proud of yourself. Make me proud of you.

OK no more exam stuff, just a couple of teen observations to finish off. Don’t have stupid hair that covers your eyes so you keep having to swish it. Don’t have fingernails that are so long you cannot write properly. Eyebrows are nicer natural, not plucked away nor drawn in like weird blocks. Spots are a fact of life: your beauty comes from within, radiating from your eyes and your smile: if others can’t see that then forget them, they’re idiots. You will hate yourself sometimes but I think you are perfect, even at your most annoying.

Lots of love, Mum